MORMON MOMMY BLOGS, IS THIS FOR REAL?

I'm sorry, I can't resist myself today. Need to lighten the mood a little...
Somehow I found this other blog where a mormon lady is besides herself on what to wear to church. She is overweight and gets "chafed" when she wears a skirt. So she started to wear some slacks to church, and her Relief Society President called her and condemned her for it (wow, that President really has some "cajones"). Here is a copy of the post I am finding so amusing (my own comments are always in black):

beginning:
Before I start, you all got the memo that I’m still fat, right? Ok. Just checkin’.

The RS Prez just called. We revisited a conversation we had last year. It seems I’m a bit controversial since I wear slacks to church. “They” were wondering if it was an economic reason (could I not afford a skirt?). Nope. It had to do with shaving. In the colder “winter” months of California, I don’t shave my legs, I shave my goosebumps. It’s horrid. I come away looking like I had a date with Freddy Kruger, and it’s pretty painful to boot. That was ok, they just wanted me to know they would be happy to help if it was a financial reason. Now let’s fast-forward to the rest of the year where it’s hotter than blue blazes. Again, with the fat thing, my legs are a bit close together, nigh unseperable when it comes to walking. When wearing a skirt, the G’s roll up and it gets ugly. Painful rashes for days afterwards, so I continued to wear nice slacks to church. To make up for being skirt-less, I wear shirts that I don’t wear during the week and make sure to put on makeup so I look much better than I do on a day-to-day basis, thus putting forth an effort to still have a “Sunday dress” code.

Except now I’m a bad example.

Those weren’t the words used, but it seems I have started a trend that is not looked kindly upon. There are now six sisters (that are also being called) who wear slacks to church. At least one of them is doing it for a similar reason to mine, but there are some new sisters who are “perfectly able” to wear “proper Sunday dress” and do not because when they see the other heathens they think it’s an option for everyone. And also, they don’t want the youth to think it’s ok, or that when you get to RS you can choose what to wear. The Bishop didn’t want to offend any sisters, so he made the RS Pres. do it instead. She asked if I was able to wear a skirt to the temple and I said I was, but it wasn’t as bad because there’s not a lot of walking around there. Also (unfortunately I forgot to mention this part), I wear pants for the drive, I change into my skirt when I get out of the car, and I change right back into pants when I get back to the car after the session.

I really feel for her. This cannot be a comfortable situation. And let me emphasize, I don’t do this because it’s uncomfortable and I can’t bear to be uncomfortable for the the 3 hours I worship Lord once a week, I’m doing it because it freaking hurts and not just for 3 1/2 hours (travel time, you know). I’m thinking Heavenly Father is cool with that. He’d much rather I be there in pants than not at all, right?

I’ve tried different materials of garments. I’ve tried wearing a larger size in the hopes that they wouldn’t roll up. No such luck. I considered wearing shorts underneath, but that just adds bulk and the shorts roll up too (which would be why I don’t wear shorts).

What do I do now? She said she’d see me Sunday, but I’m thinking “Like hell you will.” I’m seriously not offended, I totally get where the Bishop is coming from, but I don’t know what to do…
end

So a few few concerned fellow mormons made some comments about what she should do. Most of them went along the lines of "get some leggings and wear a skirt over them". However there were some real gems out there such as this one:

Tough question, Sally. I’m going to answer with my honest opinion as long as you know I still totally love you (even if we disagree on this one).

First, if you can wear a skirt to walk into the temple, why can’t you do the same thing for church on Sunday (even if it means changing in the car while B takes in the boys)? The amount of walking we do at church is minimal. If however, that is still too uncomfortable, there are always ways to make a skirt more comfortable. There are things like nylons and girdles. After my c-section, I tried several different kinds of girdles to help my stomach muscles (is that TMI?).

There are kinds that are a lot like bike shorts that are actually extremely comfortable - even in hot weather. And they don’t ride up. My main point is: You could wear a skirt if it was important enough to you.

Second, whether we agree with it or not, the way we dress does affect others. When we insist on our own dress code, it can be distracting for others. I’m not saying it SHOULD distract them, it just does. Since our main purpose for attending church is to worship God, we probably should minimize distractions - and no, I don’t think avoiding church altogether is your best way to minimize the distraction

Third, in my own experience, I’ve noticed that when women begin altering their dress code for Sunday meetings pretty soon other standards get altered (In particular, I’m thinking of a very sad and very recent example in my ward). How we dress to worship the Lord is an outward expression of an inward commitment. My guess is that your RS President and bishop are concerned more about you than your dress code.

Yes indeedy, wearing some slacks to church is the sure way to follow Satan, and to think that she would actually consider something comfortable... I mean what kind of message DOES that send to the youth. I am so, so apalled she even considered wearing slacks in the first place.

Or this one:

I know for absolute certainty, from personal experience, that if you’re willing to alter your standards on one thing, it follows as the night the day, you’ll be willing to alter your stance on other things.

I truly do believe that our dress code (and there is one) is an outward expression of our respect for the Lord and His house. It’s sucky, but there it is.

I would put Neosporin on the parts that rub together to keep them from chaffing. Also, I would pray considerably for help with it. Tell Him what happens to you and be willing to wear the skirt if He will help you with the problems associated with it. If none of that works, think of a couple of hours spent in a garden where the pain was so great that blood was sweat so we could make choices like this.

Oh, honey, I’m with you on this. I have to wear “Sunday dress” every stinkin’ day to work here at Church HQ, because it sets a standard and sets us apart as people who are serious about what we believe in. All the other businesses in town have casual dress or casual Fridays. Not us. Here we represent the Lord to the world. When you attend your ward, you represent the Lord to those of a different faith or of little faith who may be watching.

Oh, your name just went on the GA’s prayer roll. Do the prayer thing. I will, too. Don’t let this keep you from your blessings and blessings for your family.

Nothing makes a person want to worship then some good ole fashioned guilt trips (see above in bold). Wow, that really induces some great feelings of self worth! I think I will use it on my kids. Maybe they will pick up their rooms more often, because you know, at least they aren't bleeding from every pore...yet (till they disobey my command, lol).

OK, so I kept reading it, and I was waiting for the punch line. I mean this couldn't be for real could it? It's amazing that some people are that hard core, and this lady actually still respected the woman that called her. So after discovering no punchline, I just couldn't resist making a comment as follows:

Ya, you should probably wear a skirt, even if it means that your chafing gets so severe that it cracks, bleeds, and turns into gangrene. I mean, you don’t really need your legs do you? The church is actually pretty handicap friendly. And the Elder’s quorum always needs more stuff to do, so they could assign different people to wheel you around to your church meetings each week when you are in a wheel chair. Or better yet, get the deacons, teachers or priests to do it (but please, please don’t let them unless they are wearing a white shirt, because as we all know, different colored shirts distract too much from the spirit too).

Please don’t even think about wearing slacks. If you do, you will be drinking coffee every morning, then it will turn into needing alcohol, then it will ultimately progress to crack, then you will have to find a job at a strip club to support your habits, assuming you have legs at that point in time. Be very, very careful. Doing anything outside of what your bishop or RSP says you should do will definiately damn you to outer darkness.

There is a reason women should wear dresses to church! Afterall, slacks are more form fitting, and because us mormon men are so sexually repressed we won’t be able to feel the spirit on Sundays, when we try to ignore the form under the slacks.

My advice is to bundle up with about 4 pairs of leggings before you put the skirt on, after you slather neosporin and vaseline all over yourself. That should do the trick!

Here's to enjoying my sacreligious humor. And just for your information, I really am worried about that poor ladies chafed legs!

If you want the unabridged version, here is the link to her blog:
http://sallygirl.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/well-that-was-uncomfortable/#comment-3838